Brad Koch for President

I’m running on the “It’s all just a big game of Risk” platform. First few actions:

1. Economic Policy.
   Pay off current Financial Crisis by KEEPING IRAQ. Sunni / Shia my ass, you’re all Americans now. Everyone, say hello to the 51st state. I’m figuring I can pay off the trillion in my first term – we’ll just have to get rid of all of the foreigners who currently live there.
   


2. Energy Policy.
   Screw Arizona. I’m going to cover the whole damn state in Solar Panels and power the U.S.A. with sunlight. What were all those retirees thinking moving to the surface of the sun just so they could waste water turning desert into golf courses.
   


3. Educational Policy.
   The #1 cause of stupid kids are stupid parents. I’ll put birth control in the water (along with Fluoride) and you’ll need to score over 800 on your SAT to get the antidote.
   


4. Foreign Policy.
   Invade Kamchatka as a base of operations for future Asian exploits
   


5. Health Care.
   What health care. Eat an apple a day. (I'm open for donations from the banana lobby...)
   

My campaign is sweeping the nation!

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