Bush's Judicial Nominees

President Bush has had 205 of 215 judicial nominees approved. Yet we've a tempest over those remaining ten nominees.

Who but ideologues would push for more than 95% approval? In a room of like-minded people I find it unlikely that you'd get 95% agreement on just about any complex topic -- especially in a political context.

Who but the Christian right could feel victimized and persecuted with a 95% victory rate?

My take? The republicans are using these 10 nominees as a way to keep the religious right fired up. The insinuations and claims that those who disagree with the President are somehow less Christian (never mind the American citizens of other faiths, right?) are especially insulting and dangerous.

Also dangerous are the attacks on the constitutional separation of powers. Republicans and their religious conservative supporters have labeled the judiciary "the last bastion of liberalism". I think the judiciary is acting like the last effective check in our system of supposed checks and balances.

The Pilgrims risked their admittedly Christian lives to come to this country in pursuit of religious freedom. However it's seldom noted that they were running from an officially "Christian" nation where politics and religion managed to sully each other into a mess. That's why our founders drew a line between the two.

Don't let well-meaning but misguided people blur that line.

Another Doggie Toy Dies

Do you think my head is too big for my body?

Infinite Cats

Imagine taking a picture of your cat and then taking a picture of another cat looking at the picture of the first cat. Repeat. Repeat again and again and again until you get bored. You've just imagined the infinite cat project.

Make a song better by changing a word or two

Some songs just shouldn't be heard again. A song that comes to mind is Kool and the Gang's "Celebration". This song has become a tragic cliche. It's over-played at weddings, birthdays and cheesey bars accross the country.

I've found that you can change two words in the song, and make it immeasurably better. Swap out these words and the song still makes perfect sense. Remember this small change and you could make a big splash at the next karaoke night in your neighborhood.

Here's the swap; change the words "celebrate" and "celebration" to "masturbate" and "masturbation" and you get a whole new song.

Sing along. Really, sing along wtih the lyrics below -- it'll make you laugh.

Yahoo! This is your masturbation
Yahoo! This is your masturbation

Masturbate good times, come on! (Let's masturbate)
Masturbate good times, come on! (Let's masturbate)

There's a party goin' on right here
A masturbation to last throughout the years
So bring your good times, and your laughter too
We gonna masturbate and party with you

Come on now

Masturbation
Let's all masturbate and have a good time

Masturbation
We’re gonna masturbate and have a good time (yeah!)

It's time to come together
It's up to you, what's your pleasure
Everyone around the world
Come on!

Yahoo! It's a masturbation
Yahoo!

Masturbate good times, come on!
It's a masturbation
Masturbate good times, come on!
Let's masturbate

We're gonna have a good time tonight
Let's masturbate, it's all right
We're gonna have a good time tonight
Let's masturbate, it's all right

Baby...

We're gonna have a good time tonight (Mas-ter-ba-tion)
Let's masturbate, it's all right
We're gonna have a good time tonight (Mas-ter-ba-tion)
Let's masturbate, it's all right

Yahoo!
Yahoo!

Masturbate good times, come on! (Let's masturbate)
Masturbate good times, come on!
It's a masturbation!

Masturbate good times, come on! (Let's masturbate)
Come on and masturbate, good times, tonight (Masturbate good times, come on!)

'Cause everything's gonna be all right
Let's masturbate (Masturbate good times, come on)
(Let's masturbate)

If you're not comfortable with this swap, the same swap can be performed with fornicate. You can do this with many songs -- "Strangers in the night" becomes "Strangers in a fight" -- you get the idea.

Figure out when your number is up!

Wonder how old you'll be when you die? If you're curious, use this helpful tool to find the exact day and second of your death.

The site says I'm not going to die until Friday, May 16, 2036.

Knowing when you'll die is one of the main plot lines in the movie Big Fish. As a child, the character Edward Bloom looks into the eye of a witch and learns how he dies. Knowing this frees Edward from fear. He attacks situations and takes risks knowing "this isn't how I die".

It's an interesting concept. Would you choose to know the date of your death? Would it free you to live more fully or take more risks?

I'm not certain I want to know the date of my death. Part of me thinks it shouldn't matter. Perhaps being reminded of your expiration date might force you to pack a little more experience into each day.

I think I'll tattoo "Best if used before: Friday, May 16, 2036" on my shoulder. Maybe I'll print it in mirror reverse, so it's easy for me to read.

An unusual estimate

Although this is clearly a theoretical estimate, it does have some loose relevance to my daily life.

Every day I'm in meetings with other humans who act and appear as responsible as your average 12-year old. After reading this, it has become an interesting mental exercise to imagine how many of them I could take if they truly were all 12-year-olds...

I estimate my number at eight and my brother's at roughly 20. What's your number?

Wrong Number Games

I’m home by myself and the phone rings:

Me: “Hello.”

Caller: “Uh yeah, is Amber there?”

Note: At this point I should point out that I don’t know anyone named Amber. Never have. But I was annoyed at having to get off the couch in the middle of ‘Speed Racer’ just as Racer X was about to save Speed’s life, so I decided to play along.

Me: “Yeah, Amber’s here.”

Caller: “Let me talk to her.”

Me: “Who can I tell her is calling?”

Caller: “Who the hell are you? Put Amber on the phone!”

Me: “She can’t come to the phone right now. She’s not dressed. Who are you?”

Caller: “Not dressed?! I’m Amber’s boyfriend! Put her on the phone!”

Me: “Boyfriend? Dude, your loss -- she’s definitely not your girlfriend now.”

Caller: “What! Put her on the phone!”

Me: “Nah, I don’t think so. It’s been a nice day and I don’t want to ruin it.”

Caller: silence

Me: “Just kidding dude. You called a wrong number. I don’t know anyone named Amber.

Caller: "Asshole.”

Me: "Some days, yeah. Dial the right number next time.” Click.

New Survivor Rules

The current Survivor model tends to punish the stronger players as the weaker ones vote them out as “threats”. Too, it allows people who can’t contribute meaningfully to the task of survival to ride the coat tails of those who can.

I’d like to see the program focus on really finding the best “survivor”. I’ve added some twists and turns along the way to keep it interesting, and have made it difficult for alliances to last – especially alliances of weaker people.

Rounds 1 -- 4 (Start with 20 players)

The contestants show up on location and head immediately to the first reward challenge.

• Reward Challenges – top 4 finishers get reward (off-site food / adventure / fire / fishing spear, whatever).
• Immunity Challenges – last place finisher is automatically gone.

Round 5 (16 players)

We split into two teams of eight here. Here’s how it goes:

• Reward Challenge: Top two finishers get to choose first member of their team. As each member is chosen, they then choose the next member of the team.
• Immunity challenge: challenges are still individual-oriented. Timed relays, puzzles, strength challenges, etc. The team score is the total of all individual scores. Both teams must vote off one of the three worst performing individuals from their team.
• Round five twist: Capture the flag is introduced. Each team must hang a flag in clear view at their camp. If a member of the opposing team can steal the other team’s flag without being caught (caught meaning having their name called out correctly), then that team member can choose to steal something from the other team (tools, tarps, spear, or spot on reward.)

Round 6 (14 players)

• Reward challenge: Winning team gets full team reward.
• Capture the flag in play.
• Immunity challenge: challenges are still individual-oriented. Timed relays, puzzles, strength challenges, etc. The team score is the total of all individual scores. Both teams must vote off one of the three worst performing individuals from their team.

Round 7 (12 players)

• Reward challenge: Winning team gets full team reward.
• Capture the flag in play.
• Immunity challenge: challenges are still individual-oriented. Timed relays, puzzles, strength challenges, tug-of-war, etc. The team score is the total of all individual scores. Both teams must vote off one of the three worst performing individuals from their team.

Round 8 (10 players)

• Reward challenge: Back to individual challenge. Top five finishers get to pick their new team mate – we’re going to five two-person teams. Each team must gather their own food / water and rebuild shelters.
• Capture the flag ends.
• Immunity challenge: The losing team goes home.

Round 9 (8 players)

• Reward challenge: Winning team gets full team reward OR they can force two teams to swap a team member – AFTER they hear what the upcoming immunity challenge will be (e.g. memory game, strength contest, speed, puzzle, obstacle course)
• Immunity challenge: The losing team goes home.

Round 10 (six players)

• Reward challenge: Winning team gets full team reward OR they can force two teams to swap a team member – AFTER they hear what the upcoming immunity challenge will involve.
• Immunity challenge: The losing team goes home.

Teams are now split up into four one-person teams. Teams are allowed to cooperate if they so wish. If there’s only one person left who can fish – then it’s possible only that person will eat…

Round 11 (four players)

• Reward challenge: Winner shares reward with two other people of their choice. Someone gets left out.
• Immunity challenge: heads up contest, loser goes home.

Round 12 (three players)

• Reward challenge: Winner gets to share reward with one other person of their choice. Someone gets left out.
• Immunity challenge: heads up contest, loser goes home.

Round 13 (two players)

These are our finalists. They compete in one last mega-challenge. This is for pride and to demonstrate to the jury that they’ve managed to move themselves away from just surviving to actually thriving. Imagine a final challenge that mixes brains, speed, brawn, skill, memory, etc.

Letter to Richard Lugar concerning Tom Delay

Below is a copy of a letter I sent to Senator Lugar concerning the expanding scandals involving Tom Delay. Note that I wrote the letter from the point of view of a leftist Republican -- rather than the independant I am...

Dear Senator Lugar,

Republicans in Congress should remove Tom Delay as Majority Leader because of his repeated and flagrant ethical misconduct. I'm counting on you to help.

Delay’s record doesn’t suggest a single case of bad judgment. Rather, he’s repeatedly tainted his party and what it means to be an American:

• Paid family members more than $500,000 out of campaign contributions
• Promised a role in drafting legislation to a corporate donor
• Tried to coerce a Congressman for a vote on Medicare
• Diverted funds from a children's charity for celebrations at the Republican convention
• Stacked the House Ethics committee by purging members who had rebuked him and replacing them with representatives who have contributed to his legal defense fund
• Accepted trips from gambling corporations and later helped kill legislation they opposed
• Accepted trips from the lobbyist for a foreign government in violation of House rules
• Sought a rule change that would have no longer "required leaders to step aside temporarily if indicted"

Every day Mr. Delay is in a position of leadership, he makes a mockery of the moral bedrock of the Republican Party.

I'm afraid we've allowed the Republican Party to devolve into what we most loathe: a free-spending, fiscally-irresponsible party that now relies on divisive social issues to rally our base.

When we're done demonizing gays, trial lawyers, and squelching any remaining dissent, all that will be left is a legacy of record deficit spending, un-American attacks on constitutional separation of powers, and an over-reliance on religious intolerance.

President Reagan famously quoted "I didn’t leave the Democratic Party. The Democratic Party left me." I feel like the same thing is happening to too many people within the Republican Party. We're abandoning the core of the Republican Party the same way the Democratic Party left its core before Reagan took office.

It's time for some spine, for some honest self assessment. Do the right thing. Fire Tom Delay.

The Passion of God

God. The creator of time and space. The creator of light and matter and millions upon millions of universes. The creator of all things living and not living. God, the perfect, unerring, infallible, omniscient and all-present.

God created man and woman. And then He didn’t like His creation. He was disappointed with His own imperfect creation. In order to forgive his imperfect creation, He decided His only option was to create His Son, part of God Himself, as a human.

Then He required the torture and death of His Son to forgive His own creation.

Makes sense to me.

Office Hygiene MacGyver

Today I rush out of the house to the office. Around 11:00am I start smelling like Chicken Noodle soup and Fritos. Damn, I forgot to apply deodorant this morning. I’ve meetings all day and can’t hide. What to do?

I head to my office’s first aid kit. I opened the cabinet and grabbed a couple of antiseptic swab packets (isopropyl alcohol) and packet of anti-bacterial ointment.

I head to the bathroom, close the stall door and wipe my pits down with the antiseptic packets. That’ll kill all the chicken-soup-smelling bacteria that are present. Next I take a small amount of the ointment and rub it in to each arm pit – hoping that it will prevent any future stink.

The result? It worked great! I was odor-free all day. It even worked through my workout later that evening. You now have a solution if you ever forget your deodorant.

Vocabulary Challenges

One of my managers is describing the way they diffuse tension in confrontational situations:

“I’ve found that a little self-defecating humor can be effective at relieving the tension.”

Since we’re all there with laptops and all using an IM client, we’re sending messages back and forth. “Do you think he really meant “self-defecating?” “Didn’t he mean ‘self-deprecating’?”

We debated explaining the difference between “self-defecating” and “self-deprecating”, but decided it’s better to increase the odds that he’ll repeat it some day.